| revived. |
[Apr. 16th, 2009|05:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  moody | ] |
I actually revived this blog due to certain things i wanna rant. after like 3 months since i last blog. decided to use back this to save the trouble. Think i wouldn't need a tagboard anyway, since i wouldnt expect any comments. Just pure reading of my posts, understanding, comprehend, keeping ur disagreements with yourselves.
Had a moody day today. It sucked. It sucked so bad that i slept so hard during lectures and also payed my utmost attention during maths lecture that i actually understood almost everything although it depended heavily on the gc. It sucked so bad that i actually wanted to be a mugger that i wasnt intended to be. It sucked so hard that i wanted to not come school tomorrow.
I don't know. Many things around me are happening. And i ain't liking them. Some of them i predicted. so well. its scary like what fiona said, that im just too sensitive about the things around me. It like i'm the know-it-all, i know whos happy and whos not, whos emo and whos not. Thats naturally a good thing, but sometimes it just turns against me. We all know the ignorance is bliss saying, i think it applies to me too well. Sometimes i hope not to see things, hear things that harm me, but im either forced to do so our of curiosity or just naturally.
Been thinking. since that day. No one believed me. Come on, i can tell. Although u all said like i believe you, i know it wasnt truthful. The look in you all's eyes, man, i hate that. Why is everything on me? I'm sorry if i am a 'good lier', but come on, i lie not for serious matters! i was telling the damn truth and nobody fucking cared. ya go away, you are lying, and fuck all that.
Its like nobody understand me. I dont look forward to the day everyone does, but at least be more matured can? yes matured. think with your pig brains. Dont assume just by what you see with your humongous eyeballs.
hypocrites. fuck them. if you dont like, say into my goddamn face. You see me 8 hours a day, i see you 8 hours a day, then u smile at me and i smile at you, i talk to you you talk to me, then after that 8 hours you changed, into some devil, something different from what i see and the impression you give. Really, fuck off.
I don't give a damn about the comments. Why be someone when im not, and i dont have a good reason to follow ur commands, faggot. Imagine saying sorry when u haven done any shit. Unreasonable right? I can't wipe your ass for you even though i show that i do wipe my own ass. same theory. So ya, fuck off too. I can't please every single one of you, and thats thats. want me lick your shoes clean?
I really got no clue what to do next. I can't even do the things i want under pressure by different people. Everyone treats me like a fool, that i know nothing, just some loner who keeps everything to himself. oh wow man, lets just say i admit okay? thats my characteristic, what kind i say? I dont think i wanna reveal much to anyone, or rather i doubt i will have anyone to reveal to. Oh wells. I predicted all that. I predicted who would distant me further and who and who would stay together. I must say im pretty good at it, though i hated it. The feeling of your nightmare come true, is worst than the nightmare itself.
Im tired of ranting, but no solution comes out. I guess you reader has realised this whole post makes no fucking sense. But hell no, it makes ALL sense to whats happening to me recently.
I hope those people i wanna reach out to reads all of this. Although i doubt so, never mind.
I' have got so many things to rebutt about me, so many things to comment further, but im just so tired and fumbled. Why should i care about the conflicts in my class when no one gives a hoot about me? I wont even bother solving them. Just let them get worse, since nobody cares anyway. All they know is criticize without thinking 1.through their thick fat skull in their stinky pig brain 2. about THEMSELVEs when sometimes they are worst 3. about others.
I'll just watch. I'll just continue on. but, ill be wary. much more wary of those around me. Since im so aware of the surroundings ill bear with it. Lets just watch how it goes.
I'm sorry that the first post of my 17th year life has started to gone in a mess. Probably i didnt want to keep the unhappiness anymore, and treasure the good ones deep down in my heart.
I feel much better now. after all the emotive singing and this journalling.
Wish to type more posts in the future. Only if i can still survive on till them. |
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